Experiencing domestic violence is very scary and isolating but there is help available! If you are being abused or trying to help a friend or family we want you to know you are not alone and you are not responsible for the abuse.
We know that leaving an abusive relationship is difficult and can often increase the violence so we always recommend that individuals speak directly with a trained domestic violence advocate to discuss their specific circumstances and make a plan for safety. Below are some general recommendations:
Safety Planning
A decision to leave or stay in an abusive relationship is a big decision that must be carefully considered. Efforts to leave a violent relationship can result in an increase in violence so careful planning should happen prior to a decision being made. Even if you are not ready to leave the relationship, there are suggestions for staying safer during a violent incident. We have attached a sample safety plan that review some of the items to consider.
Safety Planning Guide [PDF, 194KB]
Suggestions for Helping
Do you know someone in a violent relationship? Do you suspect that a friend, relative, or someone you know is being abused? If so, don't be afraid to offer help - you just might save someone's life.
Here are some basic steps you can take to assist someone who may be a target of domestic violence:
Approach your friend in an understanding non-blaming way. Tell her/him that s/he is not alone, that there are people like her/him in the same kind of situation, and that it takes strength to survive and trust someone enough to talk about the abuse.
Acknowledge that it is scary and difficult to talk about domestic violence. Tell this person that s/he doesn't deserve to be threatened, hit, or beaten. Nothing a person can do or say makes the abuser's violence OK.
Share information. Show your friend the Warning List, Violence and Non-Violence Wheels. Discuss the dynamics of violence and how abuse is based on power and control.
Support this person as a friend. Be a good listener. Encourage the person to express her/his hurt and anger. Allow the person to make her/his own decision, even if it means not being ready to leave the abusive relationship.
Ask if your friend has suffered physical harm. Go with her/him to the hospital to check for injuries. Help report the assault to the police, if s/he chooses to do so.
Provide information on help available to battered women, men, and their children, including social services, emergency shelter, counseling services, and legal advice. To find this information, start with the resources listed in this handbook and local listings in the Yellow Pages under Social and Human Services.
Inform your friend about legal protection that is available in most states under abuse prevention laws. Go with her/him to district, probate, or superior court to get a protective order to prevent further harassment by the abuser. If you can't go, find someone who can.
Plan safe strategies for leaving an abusive relationship. These are often called “Safety Plans.” Never encourage someone to follow a safety plan that the person believes will put her/him at further risk. And remember that your friend may not feel comfortable taking these materials with her/him.